What is anticipatory grief? We all dread getting the heartbreaking news that someone we love is terminally ill. Did you know that grief over the loss of the person with the terminal diagnosis often starts as soon as we get the bad news? Most people are familiar with the term grief and what it means, but many of us have never heard of anticipatory grief. Anticipatory grief is mourning a loss of something before it is gone. Chances are, even if you’ve never heard of anticipatory grief that you’ve experienced yourself if you’ve known the loss of someone you love was imminent. Anticipatory grief doesn’t just apply to situations involving a terminal illness such as cancer. You can also experience anticipatory grief when a loved one has an illness that changes their personality, such as Dementia. Not everyone experiences anticipatory grief, but if you do it’s important that you talk to someone to help you deal with it. What causes anticipatory grief? Anticipatory grief can come about for several reasons, and it may not always be the loss of your loved one’s life that you are mourning, at least in the beginning. When someone you love experiences a life changing or terminal illness, life changes for everyone around them. It may be that you are mourning for the life you had “before”, especially if you have become that person’s carer. It is natural to miss what was and for wish to things to go back to how they were if life has changed dramatically. You may feel that you have lost your sense of freedom and that you are burdened with the extra responsibility of caring for your ill loved one, and this in turn may bring feelings of guilt. However, feeling like this is a very normal response to such a big change to your life. Healthdirect.gov.au also states that you might grieve for the memories you share with your loved one, particularly as they lose their independence, their memory, and their ability to recognise you. You may grieve for future plans that will never happen and experience intense and conflicting emotions. Symptoms of anticipatory grief If you are dealing with anticipatory grief, it is likely that you are experiencing a wide range of emotions about the impending loss of the person you love, or, in the case of a permanently personality changing illness, the loss of the person as you know them before they are truly gone. You may feel anger, fear, resentment, guilt, dread, powerlessness and anxiety even though the person is still alive. Writer Angie Drakulich shares her experience with anticipatory grief for her father in an article published on the website Psycom. She writes, “[These thoughts and memories] invade my mind as I try to fall asleep and they are the first images that appear when the alarm sounds. They cloud my vision as I drive from home, to work, to the grocery store, and they emerge through tears as I try to get away … Read More
Pre-planning your own funeral
This week on our blog, we’re talking about pre-planning your own funeral. Pre-arranged funerals have increased in popularity over recent years. In this article we will explore the benefits of pre-planning your own funeral, how we can help and some of the things you will need to consider before getting started. Why should you plan your own funeral? Planning your own funeral has plenty of advantages. Perhaps the most obvious advantage of pre planning your own funeral is that doing so means you can rest assured that your life will be celebrated in the way you wish. When you pre-plan your funeral, the choices are yours – you get to choose whether you are cremated or buried, the type of ceremony or service you are remembered with, you can choose your own coffin and even the songs and dress code for your final farewell. By preplanning your funeral, you get to be remembered the way you wish to be. Another reason that pre-paid and pre-arranged funerals are worthy of consideration is that doing so spares those you love of the angst and stress of trying to plan a funeral at what is likely to be one of the worst times of their lives. You are also sparing them of the financial burden that inevitably comes with arranging a funeral. Because of this, pre-arranging your funeral is a loving and thoughtful gift you can leave for your family when you pass away. Having a pre-arranged funeral also means that you have the opportunity to change your mind. Perhaps in 10 years time you decide you want everyone to wear bright colours to your final farewell and that donations should be made to a specific charity in lieu of flowers – all you need to do is get in touch and let us know that you would like some changes made. We are happy to help! Is it weird to plan your own funeral? Of course not! There is nothing weird about easing the burden of planning your funeral on the people you love most. Planning your own funeral helps to ease possible arguments over money and funeral arrangements, and as we have said, it means your life is celebrated your way. How do you pre plan your own funeral? There is a lot to think about when it comes to planning your own funeral, and the first vital step in the process is deciding what your end of life wishes are. We have already discussed this on our blog, so if you haven’t already, head on over to last week’s blog post and have a read. You will also find handy free downloads including our new My Final Wishes planner, a different planner from the Australian Funeral Directors Association, and another lovely print out to record your life story. Once you have established what your end of life wishes are, the next step is to get in touch with us. Burnett Regional Funeral Services offers pre-arranged pre-paid funerals in conjunction with … Read More